Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Houston- We have a heartbeat!

Yes, today, I saw our baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was nothing short of a miracle. Angel was there to share in the excitement with me. Now after this rush, I need a serious nap!

Still don't know how the P4 is looking today, but will await the phone call this afternoon. If all looks well, I don't have to go back until NEXT Friday for another ultrasound and blood work.

Thanks for the prayers, keep em comin!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Beautiful Day

This is shaping up to be a beautiful day. The sun is shining, break out the sunglasses! The birds are singing, well actually they are taunting me to put more food in the feeders. I'm trying to stay calm about the progesterone thing. Since I'm allergic to PIO, I just don't really see any other option. Since crinone doesn't get into the blood stream, she said that they have evidence that the levels in the area where it needs to be is 6-10 times what the serum level is. So that would mean, I'm about 60-100. I have to go back Tuesday for another ultrasound and blood work. I'll do whatever I have to, but I'm fearing that I might have to take this progesterone the whole pregnancy.
So the Baby Brunch, it was different. I definitely felt MUCH differently at this one than any other. I didn't know many people, but the ones I did know were "in the know" about our lil bubble. Its becoming more real, but even after seeing the bubble on the screen, yet it is still surreal. I've been fighting IF for so long, now I've got to apply my fight to this low progesterone.
I woke up at 3am, had to tinkle. Then I started praying. I prayed myself back to sleep around 4am. I prayed that God would make my progesterone level increase. Incredible, I woke up in a sweat at 6 am. Progesterone makes your body temperature increase! Just one more sign that God has this child in the palm of His hand. I need not worry, I need not worry. Okay, lets call it concern, is that okay? Better than "worry" if you ask me! Yep, thats me holding on and not allowing God to do his job.
So I'm humbly asking everyone for a very specific prayer of increased progesterone serum levels at the coming appointments. It means the world to me. Thank you in advance.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

On my way...

To the first baby shower that I can go to and not feel LEFT OUT! HA! Praise the LORD!

Thursday, we had a bit of a scare. I had some pain in my left side. So off we went to the clinic, really rushed. When we got there, we saw our little bubble. She said my endometrium looks absolutely beautiful and so does the yolk sac and fetal pole. She wasn't upset about not seeing more, because it was too early. So I had blood drawn on Thursday. They don't think its an ectopic, but won't know for awhile. They said it is possible to have ONE in the uterus and One in the tube. But the pain hasn't gotten worse. They do think that since my uterus is slightly tilted to the left, that it could be moving and stretching some old endometriosis scarring which is what is causing the pain. Okay, I can live with that. So if it gets worse, back I go again. But so far, so good.

Friday, very late in the afternoon, they called and said my beta #3 is 8192 and is looking beautiful. (Praise the LORD Halleluyah) My estrogen looks good, but my progesterone is dropping. It was 19 now its 9. I swear I'm taking my meds, they ALWAYS ask. But I'm taking C.rin one so it doesn't show up in blood serum, which is what they measure. We talked about alternatives and I told them AGAIN what happens when I take PIO. I'm highly allergic to ANY kind and have high fevers (103 degrees) and fist sized welts on my backside. Not an option. Fever could hurt the bubble too!! So I think they might try another kind of vaginal P4, endo MET_ rin. I had a discussion with them earlier in the week that (TMI) I didn't think the Cri stuff was "staying in" like it used to. They told me to walk around after application instead of laying down afterward. ?? I tried it, didn't see a difference.

Well I'm off to a Baby Brunch. Thank you all for your prayers and support, I can't tell you how much it has meant to me.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I don't know how to do this...

Okay, terribly honest post here. I don't know how to be "the P word". I'm still in limbo. I'm stuck. We haven't told EVERYONE, our immediate family and a few CHOICE friends that have been praying for us, but thats it.
I was telling Angel that I know how to prepare for IVF. I know how to do all the stuff that it took for us to get this far, but as far as the other side, I'm clueless! My ole dusty book is almost useless. So I've turned to the internet for its good and bad insights. I have simply never been HERE before in my life. I'm in such a la la land that I actually DON"T KNOW where HERE is?! Just bizarre I tell you!
So is this what it feels like for my dreams to come true? If it is, its just plain weird. Other than being tired, I don't FEEL any different. Some AF type cramps every once in awhile, but thats it. I don't feel like I've graduated or have moved to where the "grass is greener". I don't know whether to allow myself to be happy, sad, negative, positive, elated, cautious... it feels weird!
I've been fighting IF so long, I don't know how to shut that off. How do I stop fighting? How do I say, "Hey, dude, STOP IT. You reached your goal, enjoy it."
Its wayyy to early for all this. But I'm wondering WHEN is it time? When is long enough to be in the "I dunno" mode?
The nurse just called and I'm 5 weeks 1 day today. Puts my due date right around my seventh anniversary. Oh and I do have to wait until Feb 23 for my ultrasound, Angel can't get off work for the 20th. Disappointing but I can wait... can't I?

Friday, February 13, 2009


Hey Ya'll
Can't stay long, gotta call Angel. But Beta is 903 today!!! So thats....14 days past 6 day transfer.

Anyone got any insight on the number?

I am supposed to go Friday Feb 20 for an ultrasound, but I think Angel HAS to work that day. So I might have to postpone until Feb 23. He's at work now, I can't get him to the phone ARGHH!!

Thanks for ALL THE SUPPORT! It is unbelievable.

Love and Hugs to all!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The day before...

Tomorrow I go in for my second beta. I'm amazed I've been able to hold on for this long. It is so hard to try to be level headed after so much disappointment and anguish.
I'm not sure if its the pn vitamin or what, but I've had terrible tummy upsets for days. I've tried taking my meds on a modified schedule throughout the day, and nothing has helped. Then a friend told me that she knew a lady that had "the D word" her whole pregnancy. NICE! Boy was I thrilled to hear that. But I'll take it. Its annoying, but as long as I don't get dehydrated, I think its okay, Right?
I've had this serious craving for cottage cheese. Angel was so sweet and got me 2 whole containers of the incredibly specific type that I like. I almost cried when I saw it in the fridge last night. AND he made me one of my favorite meals, one that he doesn't particularly enjoy, Swiss Steak. It was heavenly. I haven't been able to eat a lot at one time, but lets just say I made myself miserable last night. I slept so well!!
I've got mixed emotions that ebb and flow like the tide. Some times I will allow myself to get excited about things and just say, "God's got this, let him handle it". Then other times, I snatch it back and begin to worry again. I'm guessing that I won't quit worrying until ... welll... I die! I was going to say, when they turn 18. Nope. When they graduate college? Nope. When they get married? nope. So this just teaches me the HARD WAY that I've got to learn to deal with my worry. Let it go and quit snatching it back.
I will update tomorrow with beta #2 numbers. Who knows when I will hear from them. But I'll be over here, turning blue holding my breath.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Feeling BETTER!

I just fininshed bathing my two mutts and the mutt next door. Something about it clears my head.
I also totally appreciate the reality check yesterday. Alyssa's comment was so helpful with the link, THANK YOU!
Three remarkable things today: One- I picked up the preggo vitamins and those things are OUTRAGEOUSLY EXPENSIVE! Not to mention they are hugemongous to swallow.
Two- I've had a headache ALL DAY LONG that Ty LEN ol has not even TOUCHED. I've done deep breathing and cool rag on my head. NADA. So I'm just learning to live with it. I think its because of the unseasonable change in the barometric pressure the south is experiencing right now.
Third thing deserves its own paragraph. This go around, I have noticed that the handful of people that we have confided this in were so certain, unlike any other time, that this would work. I don't know why, its inexplicable. I know, because I felt them all, that we were heavily prayed about or shot some seriously "good vibes" throughout this cycle. I don't think I will ever be able to show my gratitude properly. So all I can say is a humble thank you and please continue all the good thoughts. I'm going to falter, but I'm going to try very hard to make the best of this situation and be happy about things. It helps my brain to be positive. Its when I give into "stinkin thinkin" that I fall to peices. This may sound silly, and may not work for everyone, but I'm going to give it a try.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Freaking OUT

Okay, I can take it. Does anyone think my numbers are low? 38.5 , 7 days past a 6 day transfer? I can't find anyone on Mr Googlie that had a Beta that soon. I'm driving myself nuts! I think I'm giving in to my "stinkin thinkin" instead of staying calm and relying on God to take care of this. Angel is all like, "The nurse said it was fine. They don't even want to see you for another week". Okay. So my mind says its ONE beta! I just want to know what ya'll think? Its okay, I can take it if you think the numbers aren't good.
See what happens when you leave me alone for a day!! Its CrAzY talk!! Oh yeah, by the way, no more bleeding and cramping isn't as intense, and comes and goes.
Thanks ya'll for your input.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I'm Stunned

I have been racking my brain for a cutsie post title today, it never came. So here goes!

Yesterday I cramped most of the day. Nothing too bad, just uncomfortable. Feeling JUST LIKE I was going to say hello to my little friend. BUT at about 3:30pm, I went to the bathroom. Sounds eventful huh? Got you on the edge of your seat? Well I played the TP Tango and there was some pink. OMG! Further wipage and a brown smudge. OMG!!!!!!!!!!! So then I go straight to the phone, call the nurse. Press one for the "if you are having bleeding or pelvic pain" and got the nurse. Went through all the normal, "It could be implantation bleeding", or it could be "a miscarriage and in which case there is nothing that you can do about it." I was so relieved, NOT! So I went back to the bathroom about every 20 minutes. Some realllllly light brown spots, but thats it. By 6pm, they were gone. Cramping continued.
I went in for blood work this morning. They wanted to check my progesterone, which is normal. But she said, "you are scheduled for your beta on Monday, you could actually have done it Saturday. But since we don't do them on the weekends, thats why you were scheduled for Monday." Okay yada yada. Get to the good part. "So lets just do a beta Friday". YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Lets DO!
So I went in this morning. It was quick. They were busy. I was in and out in 10 minutes plus the hour drive there and hour drive back home. I decided not to go to work, I was a basket case anyway. Waited obviously all day. 2:30pm. She called. I woke Angel up from a nap. I said, "ITS HER, GET UP!" I put the nurse on the speaker phone so we heard at the exact same time. Usually I can tell from the first word that she says whether it is positive or negative. I couldnt this time. So finally she said it. "Hollie, You are pregnant".
Long and short of it, beta 7dp6dt is 38.5 Progesterone 13.5 and Estrogen 2hundred something. They don't want to see me until next friday for another beta. She left the door open that if I "needed to come in before that" I could. So I'll wait and see. But for now, I'm going to be calm about it and enjoy this week. I'm cautiously excited. No pee sticks for me though. I've decided they aren't good for my brain.
I knew this time I felt differently than any other time. I've cramped more than any of the others. Also, I had the little bit of bleeding. PLUS I have gotten to where I can't keep my eyes open past about 2pm for the last 4 days. I'm just waking up from the most marvelous nap. But I had to let ya'll know where it stands. We are just soaking up God's glory. I feel peace and calmness, because for the first time in all this, I really do have it all in HIS hands.
So right now, I'm the proud recipient of a miracle. It feels so good.