Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Friday, August 17, 2012

The wonky sock

I cannot believe I'm doing this again. SERIOUSLY!?!
RE visit went well. Here's the run down...
Arrive just on time to appointment. Right before opening the door, I say to Angel, "I know they are going to make me pee in a cup." He said, "No we're just here to chat with the doctor, no need for pee." I go sign in. I sit. I then get called to the lab side. "Umm, Mrs. Baby Man's Mom... it seems as though we haven't seen you in awhile and we need a urine specimen." THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I was so right. I cannot go to the RE for ANYTHING and not have to pee in a cup. Kinda funny part, it has to be a mid stream all cleanified sample. So I get all my wipes and cup and labels set to go. But only I can't... you know... GO! I sit, I wait... nada. I turn on the water with my elbow... nothing. I ALWAYS have to go, but can't squeeze a drop. OH WAIT, yes, maybe now, okayyyyy... DROP THE CUP!  DROP THE WIPES! Complete fumble. Repeat process. More wipes, another cup, another label. FINALLY out the door I go. Bowing my head just praying that no one heard my fumbling in the bathroom with paper thin walls.
Sit down with RE and Angel. Technology has come a long way in 3 years! We have 3 totsicles. Their grades are 5bb, 4bb and 4bb. So excellent candidates! We had the exact same grades for blastocysts when we had our FET to get the Baby Man. Normally she would only transfer 2, but we got 1 baby after thawing and transferring 3. If the embies thaw and they look amazing, we can actually freeze one back. DID YOU KNOW THAT? Freeze 'em again! Crazy talk. She was not concerned with my weight and said that it will not impede GETTING pregnant, however the more weight I lose, the easier my pregnancy will be. I'm down 9 pounds in about 6 weeks. They also do this laser assisted hatching of blastocysts for FET's now. Its part of the protocol, where as before, assisted hatching was an option. Same sort of deal where they make a hole in the zona to improve implantation, but now, its with a laser and lasers are just cool! I also have to redo the SIS and HSG, no biggie other than 2 more days off of work. Insurance won't pay if they are done on the same day or at the same time. STINKERS!
Finish with RE, then she says, "OK, now you can see the nurse practitioner." Umm wha?? I didn't know I was here to do anything but talk.  I'm really starting to have a lot of anxiety at this point. I walk down the hall, step on the scale. Have my blood pressure taken, its elevated (for me).
I walk into THE room. I'm so nervous. I look over at the stirrups, ugh. They always have some sort of cover on the metal part, what is it going to be this time? Its a gym sock. And its all worn out from lots of use. Hmm, I'm seeing a correlation between myself and this wonky sock.  I don the beautiful paper attire, and am just about ready to jump out of the teenie window in the room, when I look up on the wall. Wait a minute.. what is that? Its a picture frame filled with a ton of tiny baby pictures. I usually don't even think of trying to actually look at the babies, I just know there are a lot of them. But one sweet face sticks out among the thousands. One sweet familiar face. It is the face of a dear friend's child.  I met her through this blog, and found out we don't live that far from one another. I cannot describe the peace that flooded me at that moment. Ahh, everything is ok. This is not going too fast, I can handle this. Look, see, this is why I'm here. This is where I'm supposed to be. Praise God. 

 Finished with the Nurse Practitioner, on to the regular nurse. We talk about blood work, further tests, etc. All is well, except I can see Angel squirming in his seat. Oh no. Not a good sign. We have a lot of baggage coming back to this place. Angel swears they used to get us pinned up in these tiny consultation rooms for hours going all through this and that. And he's right. I hate those little rooms. But I put my hand on his leg and said, this is not going to take long and Praise God, it didn't. Whole visit was less than 2 hours total, other than the 2.5 hour drive to get there.
Angel and I are in a good place right now. I think he now sees the reward or fruit of our labor when he looks at our son. It is not in vain, for us, this is possible. God and ART have made it possible for us to have a family. I will forever be grateful for our son, who is perfect in every way. I will forever be grateful for our journey, because without the hard times, we couldn't truly appreciate the good times. Life is meant to live, and I can honestly say, THIS is living. I actually think its sorta weird to go to bed with someone now and have a child. Ewwww... When we tell the baby man about the birds and the bees, I'm sure that conversation will be a doozy. It will be birds, bees, and laser assisted hatching!

Friday, August 10, 2012

what am i thinking?

yeah, its me. I'm actually writing this and I'm going to say it out loud. here goes...
I am going to the RE in 4 days to talk about another FET with our 3 totsicles. I am beyond apprehensive. I haven't even gotten a decent list together of what to talk about with her. This is so unlike me. I have been out of the "stirrups" so long, I don't know how to go back to doing all this over again. It feels very very strange. There will be blood work, tests, meds, etc. At least this time I know what to expect. This is our last shot at a baby, we will not do IVF again. So there are a whole host of emotions to go with that statement. Hanging in there, by a thread, trying not to get all worked up but OH MY GOSH. (there's always a BUT in there)