Okay, terribly honest post here. I don't know how to be "the P word". I'm still in limbo. I'm stuck. We haven't told EVERYONE, our immediate family and a few CHOICE friends that have been praying for us, but thats it.
I was telling Angel that I know how to prepare for IVF. I know how to do all the stuff that it took for us to get this far, but as far as the other side, I'm clueless! My ole dusty book is almost useless. So I've turned to the internet for its good and bad insights. I have simply never been HERE before in my life. I'm in such a la la land that I actually DON"T KNOW where HERE is?! Just bizarre I tell you!
So is this what it feels like for my dreams to come true? If it is, its just plain weird. Other than being tired, I don't FEEL any different. Some AF type cramps every once in awhile, but thats it. I don't feel like I've graduated or have moved to where the "grass is greener". I don't know whether to allow myself to be happy, sad, negative, positive, elated, cautious... it feels weird!
I've been fighting IF so long, I don't know how to shut that off. How do I stop fighting? How do I say, "Hey, dude, STOP IT. You reached your goal, enjoy it."
Its wayyy to early for all this. But I'm wondering WHEN is it time? When is long enough to be in the "I dunno" mode?
The nurse just called and I'm 5 weeks 1 day today. Puts my due date right around my seventh anniversary. Oh and I do have to wait until Feb 23 for my ultrasound, Angel can't get off work for the 20th. Disappointing but I can wait... can't I?