Monday, August 2, 2010
I've come to a cross road. I've got to do SOMETHING about several situations. The deal with Angel, we are working on it. It didn't take 20 minutes to get to this point, and its going to take longer than 20 minutes to fix it. Although, a conversation over the weekend, he said, "We used to do things for each other." Thats about the only thing that stuck with me out of the whole chat. Im thinking he's feeling neglected, and doesn't really know how to tell me this. So, I'm working on it.
My weight. Its ALWAYS an issue. Its always BEEN an issue. I've figured out, Im at the point that I have to do something about it because Im either going to have to lose some weight or get a c[pap. Know what that is? its a thing you put on your face when you sleep that forces air into your lungs so you can breathe. It is for sufferers of sleep apnea. Well, Im convinced I have it. My excess weight exacerbates this problem. My child, for the most part, sleeps extremely well at night. I on the other hand, wake all the time. I know I snore because my throat is sore in the morning. I wake up and feel like I've been in a fight. I haven't slept since I was about 20 pounds lighter.
I was at my heaviest after giving birth. Then I lost lots of weight in that first month. I know I was definitely looking at some good numbers around December (HM was born in October). Well, to cope with things (Things = lack of time, sleep, motivation) I would binge eat. I ate maybe once a day for a long time. Its all caught up with me now. Im eating SOME better now, but with PCOS and IR, Im not doing what I should. I have what I need to do in my brain. Education is not the problem. I just have no time. Along with modified eating habits (to help my insulin levels), I've GOT to exercise. When do I carve out 15, 20, 30 min to exercise? I work full time. Im up at 5am and in bed hopefully by 10:30pm. I am out the door in the morning at 6:45 and home by 5:45. I take 15-20 min lunches at work so I can pick up the man early and get home to get a few extra minutes of playtime. Not to mention, its seriously 102 degrees outside right now.
I'm TRYING to get back to my habits that I had when I lost my initial weight. Before the kiddo, I lost 30 pounds. I did it in about 6 months. I've just GOT to do it again. I've got to do it so I don't have to put a machine on my face to breath, so I can be here for my son when he graduates, and so I can be the best Mom I can be. Right now, I feel like H is getting the leftovers. NOT FAIR to him at all.
Please comment. I need some extra motivation. I need to look back at these comments and say, YES!! I can DO IT! KEEP GOING.... because its going to be REALLY HARD. As always if you have any ideas how I can do this, PLEASE TELL ME! Im open for any and all suggestions. Tough love is okay too... just don't forget the LOVE part.