Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Monday, August 2, 2010

Crossroads


I've come to a cross road. I've got to do SOMETHING about several situations. The deal with Angel, we are working on it. It didn't take 20 minutes to get to this point, and its going to take longer than 20 minutes to fix it. Although, a conversation over the weekend, he said, "We used to do things for each other." Thats about the only thing that stuck with me out of the whole chat. Im thinking he's feeling neglected, and doesn't really know how to tell me this. So, I'm working on it.
My weight. Its ALWAYS an issue. Its always BEEN an issue. I've figured out, Im at the point that I have to do something about it because Im either going to have to lose some weight or get a c[pap. Know what that is? its a thing you put on your face when you sleep that forces air into your lungs so you can breathe. It is for sufferers of sleep apnea. Well, Im convinced I have it. My excess weight exacerbates this problem. My child, for the most part, sleeps extremely well at night. I on the other hand, wake all the time. I know I snore because my throat is sore in the morning. I wake up and feel like I've been in a fight. I haven't slept since I was about 20 pounds lighter.
I was at my heaviest after giving birth. Then I lost lots of weight in that first month. I know I was definitely looking at some good numbers around December (HM was born in October). Well, to cope with things (Things = lack of time, sleep, motivation) I would binge eat. I ate maybe once a day for a long time. Its all caught up with me now. Im eating SOME better now, but with PCOS and IR, Im not doing what I should. I have what I need to do in my brain. Education is not the problem. I just have no time. Along with modified eating habits (to help my insulin levels), I've GOT to exercise. When do I carve out 15, 20, 30 min to exercise? I work full time. Im up at 5am and in bed hopefully by 10:30pm. I am out the door in the morning at 6:45 and home by 5:45. I take 15-20 min lunches at work so I can pick up the man early and get home to get a few extra minutes of playtime. Not to mention, its seriously 102 degrees outside right now.
I'm TRYING to get back to my habits that I had when I lost my initial weight. Before the kiddo, I lost 30 pounds. I did it in about 6 months. I've just GOT to do it again. I've got to do it so I don't have to put a machine on my face to breath, so I can be here for my son when he graduates, and so I can be the best Mom I can be. Right now, I feel like H is getting the leftovers. NOT FAIR to him at all.
Please comment. I need some extra motivation. I need to look back at these comments and say, YES!! I can DO IT! KEEP GOING.... because its going to be REALLY HARD. As always if you have any ideas how I can do this, PLEASE TELL ME! Im open for any and all suggestions. Tough love is okay too... just don't forget the LOVE part.

11 comments:

Mommy Shoes said...

As someone who has always struggled with her weight, I now how hard it is. And now that I am pregnant again without having lost most of the weight from baby number 1, it is really depressing. Is there any way you can find a workout buddy or someone to hold you accountable? Weight watchers is really the only thing that has consistently worked for me because it was like a game I could play and facing the scale every week kept me honest. Good luck!

A Few Good Sperm said...

Wow, I'm in the same boat. We just took some family pictures the other day and I was soooo horrified. I too dropped the weight that first month, but stress and PCOS over the last 6 months has put a lot back on. I also have had success in the past with Weight Watchers IF I go to the meetings. That's a big IF. I'm looking forward to the fall so I can go walking and not die in the heat.

Sorry, I didn't really have any advice, but just know you are not alone in this struggle.

JJ said...

Thinking of you as you meet this challenges head on. And nothin' but LOVE for you, H! Sending you strength!

Delenn said...

Thinking of you, hon! I am struggling too with weight...

Finding time to exercise is hard. I used to would work out at lunch...I had an hour lunch and my company had a fitness room.

However, I am now working on at a new company, so the lunch time work out is out...

So, now I tend to wake up earlier and work out 30-40 mins. in the morning (on my stationary bike and portable stepper); I do this five days a week; then I have a Wii Fit that does help...I do that 10 - 15 mins. at night after the kids are to bed (usually 2-3 nights a week).

Frankly, any time you can carve out is good--they say its the accumlation that helps -- so, say you can do 10 mins. in the morning, 10 mins. at lunch; 10 mins. in the evening...

Its hard, but it can be done! :-)

Kahla said...

I'm in the same boat with my weight. School is starting back and a goal I have this year is to loose weight. I'm not going to set an actual number, but one pound at a time. I had dropped after birth too, but two kids and it's back up. Ugh. Wishing you lots of luck and here to cheer you on.

Sharon said...

I'm in the same position as you!!! I initially lost weight after Ava was born but slowly it has crept back and I HATE it! I don't work full day but I still don't have enough time to exercise or do half the things I want to do. Right now the only exercise I get is a quick walk around the block with Ava.
Someway we'll find the answer!!!

noswimmers said...

Losing weight SUCKS. It's hard work!! As many others have said, I'm in the same boat. Maybe we can all keep each other going?? It's just so hard trying to juggle everything, its easy to put ourselves last.
Just keep reminding yourself that what you're doing is for your little man, too! You can't care for him if you're not taking care of yourself.
Big ((hugs)) to you, mama!

~Hollie said...

Thanks ya'll for the words of encouragement. It is a long row to hoe, but I brought my tshirt and shorts to walk at lunch. Baby steps....

The One and Only Chelle said...

GO HOLLIE GO!!! I am sending you nothing but good, light weight vibes!!!!

Katie said...

My husband has a CPAP machine for sleep apnea. If that's what you have, it will CHANGE your life for the better. I remember when my husband first got his, all he wanted to do was sleep for a few days to catch up on rest. He was like a new man. Good luck getting a diagnosis. From what he told me, the sleep study is weird, but not that bad.

Hollie said...

You can do it Hollie! I think that you will have to do little things first- pack healthy lunches, take stairs, park far away at the store, do sit-ups (or whatever) as you're playing with the baby, etc. SO much easier said than done, but it IS DOABLE. GOOD LUCK!!! You are a strong mama!! :)