Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Losing ourselves


Im dusting the cob webs away... getting back to the blog.

I've been asking myself lately, "where are we?" "WE" meaning Angel and I. Where are we in our marriage now that every moment is consumed by the baby man, work, cooking, and cleaning? The answer, I don't rightly know.
We are having a wonderful time watching our baby man grow and learn. We fall in love with him each day. But, where is our marriage supposed to be in all this? When we were dating, we dated all of 6 weeks before getting engaged, we talked about what kind of parents we would be. I was 25 and Angel 34. I think we had a fairly realistic idea of how things would go. We knew it would be difficult for us to have a child, because I knew it in my bones that I'd have issues. I prepared Angel for it before I put the engagement ring on my finger. At the time, we had no clue about Angel's issues. Our resolve then was that if we couldn't have children of our own, we would adopt. Sounds simple, right? Oh how wrong we were. I do remember a part in our ceremony, when we were standing there in front of the preacher, he said something about being blessed with children. How we'd need the guidance of the loved ones gathered to see us wed, yada yada. I have to say that every time we'd have a set back, I thought back on that moment in our ceremony. Where I knew deep down that the road to parenthood would be incredibly difficult for us. It has proven so.
So, what Im getting at is that I think this has all taken its toll on us, our marriage, our family. Our life together has been defined by several phases of survival mode. We have to learn NOW how to be a married couple again, instead of JUST being parents. We have to find our new selves now that we are parents. The love is there, the lil man is there, we just have to set ourselves as a priority.
About the baby man: He's cruising like a champ, pointing, eating all sorts of stuff, teething, and such a joy. It isn't exactly like I thought it would be, but Im glad to have every moment of this time. Its so true, when you have a child, you wear your heart on the outside.

5 comments:

~Jess said...

It is hard to refigure everything in your life that existed before a baby, and how it now exists with being a parent.

*hugs*

Sharon said...

Hollie, I could have written this! I did a posting about this very topic, titled Surviving The Fallout, see if you can find it on my blog. We are in the same situation. We survived almost 8 years of infertility and RPL followed by surviving a new born and suddenly now we're like... Now what??? Hang in there!

JJ said...

Mook and I have had to make a true effort to make sure that we are making time for us--and its NOT easy. Thinking of you both--always sending you hugs :)

littlezen said...

I hear you. We've discussed this situation again and again. We're currently doing date nights and I'm trying to intitiate intimacy (it just isn't coming easily). Good luck getting to know your husband again.

Katie said...

The first nine months after Will was born were extremely difficult for M and I. There were a few times when I really wondered if we'd make it, but knew we would because we were both committed to making our marriage work.

It took time and some adjustments,
not only in our thinking about ourselves as a couple, but also our concepts of parenting. But things did get better and right now, even with the addition of Miss E, we seem stronger than we have in a long time.

I know you two will find your way, too. Hugs.