Things IF taught me

This is not a reflection of how IF HAS impacted our lives, its a reflection on how IF IS IMPACTING our lives. Even though this kiddo has been brewing for 20 weeks, I will always consider myself infertile, proudly.

• If I can endure an enema before ER, I can do pretty much anything gross. The enema was my mortal enemy. I dreaded it from CD1.
  
• I have been able to share intimate parts of my anatomy with total strangers and laugh about it, no matter how many parade in front of my in the air whoo hoo.
  
• Let the RE do the HSG and SIS, OB/Gyn's hurt! (in my experience, having had 4)
• Having drawers full of leftover needles and syringes isn't a bad thing. It reminds you of how far you've come and where you are going.
  
• I have been at the lowest point in my life in front of total strangers and I could have cared less, it wasn't important what they thought.
  
• I have found my voice in front of drs, nurses, and other authority figures. I've learned to tell them exactly what's going on, after all, its for my benefit. No hiding anymore! Even if its gross, embarrassing, or takes too long to explain.
  
• I have learned who I can share this IF journey with, and who I can't. Top priority is to keep OUR feelings safe.
  
• Everybody has bad days, and it is okay to let it out. Even if its aimed toward you.
• The shots aren't that bad, as long as you aren't talking about PIO.
  
• The meds made me crazy to begin with, but the more I took them, the less crazy I was on them.
  
• I am allergic to latex, now.
  
• I've learned I love my Angel today more than any other day that has past in our lives together. This has made us stronger. I feel like if we can do this, we can do anything.
• I'm not sure if at the beginning of this journey, if I would have wanted to know what treatment worked to help us get this far. Each step was a milestone in our lives, not meant to be skipped. Each one helped us grow and learn.
  
• I want to tell all the beautiful women that are in the early stages of this that you will survive. And my humble prayer is that you come out the other side champions!
  

Nothing short of a miracle

I called to get my results from my 1 hr glucose tolerance test, and I passed! This feels better than passing any test I ever took in college! My glucose was 118. I forgot to ask what the range was, but from what I've found on the internet, anything below 180 is considered okay. I'm sure I'll have to retake the test in a few weeks, but at 18 weeks, they wanted to do one early since I have insulin resistance and PCOS. Does anyone know whether I've got the right info from the net or not? What were your results?

We had an ultrasound yesterday. It was the anatomy scan. He's still a boy, and getting cuter by the second! I think my favorite part was his BELLY! I have this thing for puppy, kitty, and now, Baby BELLIES! They are so cute, and I am enamored with our son's belly! We got to see him stretch his arms above his head, then yawn at the same time. We also saw him curl up like a ball, then STRETCH out again. He rolled and waved, and the boy is going to be a thumb sucker, no doubt!

Only drawback to yesterday's ultrasound, the dvd and photo printer were down. So I got NO PICTURES or VIDEOS! But the tech said that we would probably have another one since she couldn't get all the measurements on his kidneys. He was in a weird position, evidently. I love watching him. I can't wait to see him in real life, not on a tv screen!

I love this pregnancy part, so far. Its been amazing. But with every day that passes, I get more anxious to meet our lil man. I should relish in this time, but I think back to when I got married. I got engaged in February, and married in October. All that time, we planned. It was fun, thinking about all the stuff and all the excitement. But, what I found out through the process is that what I was really excited about was starting my life with Angel. I sort of see this pregnancy as the same thing. But there is no way to push up the date, and I wouldn't want to. I want this kiddo to cook til he's baked to perfection! Also, this in no way means that I'm ready for him to be here from a "I know what I need to know and have the gear that I need to have" standpoint. In fact, I'm still fairly freaked out by changing diapers, picking out strollers, and breastfeeding.

So I've learned in this process, there is a reason why it takes what seems like so long. God is preparing us in his way, in his time, for his miracle. But I can still be impatient! ;O)

"How are you feeling"

Is this THE MOST COMMON QUESTION asked of a preggo ever? I've got to find some better answers other than, "fine". "Fine" doesn't cut it. They want to know the nitty gritty. They want to know that things are horrible, so they can go, "aww, I'm so sorry. Mine was worse, let me tell you." Okay, so am I seeing that the point in asking me "how are YOU feeling" is mainly about them telling me about their experience?

I should have started with a disclaimer. This isn't EVERYONE that asks me, but a majority of the acquaintances that I come in contact with, at work or not close friends. I do have some dear, close friends that really are interested in HOW I AM. This gripe doesn't apply to them.

I actually had a woman tell me that she only got ONE ultrasound on her 13 yr old because she was afraid of the damage that it would do to her unborn child. Does anyone know of any statistical studies out there to even corroborate this insanity? I thought ultrasounds were the safest way to check out the kiddo? Then she said, well "if he turns out deaf, you'll know why!" What in the world would ever make this person say something like that to me? Even if it was true! If my child turns out to have any abnormality or handicap or whatever, he will be loved JUST THE SAME! (this is the part where I mutter under my breath, "flippin moron")

Speaking of abnormalities, I got the results from my NT/Quad screen. It says that Stickie has a very low possibility of either Trisomy 18, Down Syndrome, or spina bifida. Essentially, they told me that I was "normal negative". Hey, I'll take that! Statistics are not my strong suite.

I have tried to put behind me the issues surrounding last Friday's OH-B visit. I've decided that since there are 3 drs in the practice and I have a 33% chance of having Dr, OH NO for delivery, then I'll just opt to see the other two when I make my appointments from now on. Nothing like just avoiding the situation. Hey, what gets a girl through the day is what's important here!

I have to apologize, I've been terrible at keeping up with my reading and commenting on blogs. I'm still thinking and praying for you all. I also thank you all so much for your continued support.
Have a blessed day!

I'm whacko

Yep, I've had my first real emotional outburst during pregnancy. It wasn't pretty. It was in front of my boss when she asked about my trip to the dr this morning.

Long story. I saw Dr #3 today in the practice, and lets just say, we didn't hit it off. Also, she said I'd have to continue this progesterone for another 3 weeks until my next appointment. This, I don't understand AT ALL. I'm also to do my first glucose tolerance test next week.

Only good part about today is that I started the ball rolling on the ultrasound that we were supposed to find out the gender of our child, had we not gotten an early peek. But still, at 18 weeks (next week) is supposed to be the "check it all out" ultrasound. I don't have an appointment yet, they will call me. But in 7 days I should have seen my lil kiddo, and I couldn't be more excited about that.

Angel went with me to the dr and he got to hear his heartbeat for the first time. I think he was pretty happy! I'm feeling our lil man more and more now. I'm also convinced more and more that its him. Started with some flutters. Then bumps, now WOMPS and flips. As long as that continues, it keeps me calm that nothing is wrong and that makes me very happy.

So as far as M day goes, I'm not all that excited. Angel has to work, and I never celebrated it growing up because my mother, well lets just not go there. But I do remember taking my Grandma a pretty flower on Mother's day. Makes me miss her. I'm thinking in our household, this will probably be a holiday that we don't celebrate too much.

Have a great weekend, all! Might elaborate more on the other stuff when I have more energy. Right now, I'm just drained from the emotional roller coaster that has been today.