Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Where am I?

Im still pretty much in a state of disbelief. Im feeling better after my last post. Some things I wanted to say. I didn't figure I'd get ONE comment. Im trying desperately not to get too down on myself for the guilt that has accompanied this STICKY miracle. Im going to keep working on it, okay?!
I feel like things have been in a whirlwind. One thing that comes to mind as something I didn't anticipate is the fact that because of my subchorionic hemmorhage, it looks like we cannot have actual relations (uh huh) or anything involving ME for close to a year. Can I tell you how devestating this is? We had to abstain off and on during the cycle, then the tiredness of the first couple weeks, THEN the news from the RE that because of the s.h, we should abstain. I figured that when I went to the OB, she'd say we were all clear. NOPE. So all in all, no nookie for the WHOLE PREGNANCY and 6 weeks after. Which adds up to a year. I just realized this the other day. I shared this revelation with Angel, he said he'd already calculated. Okay, yes, its do-able. But this is a toughie, no doubt.
Another thing I didn't anticipate was how incredible Angel has been. He has been cleaning, vacuuming, laundering, dusting, mopping, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. All the while, I feel about as useless as lumps on a pickle. Im amazed at the things I just cannot do. I tried wrestling the dogs in the car to go to the vet, and hurt my back. I got severely reprimanded by many many drs, nurses, and finally Angel. I GOT IT! No more lifting of 65 pound dogs....
So a little background. I had this feeling that Angel just didn't care about my eating habits. I've been having cravings AND nausea where I only want one thing to eat. I would tell him, then get the "I'm sorry". Ummm aren't you supposed to go to the store?
Well, his answer to this madness is to stock up on the things I've been asking for. I am now the proud owner of a giant tub of ICE CREAM as well as 4 little personal frozen pizzas. Thats so that when he doesn't want to eat a pizza, I can still have one. When he took me to the freezer when I got home last night, I absolutely teared up. Over PIZZA AND ICE CREAM. My love for this man is growing every single day to levels I never thought possible. It is truly his goal in life to make me happy. I was so wrong.
Along with all of this "care" comes this obsession to make sure everything is right and done in an efficient way. WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHERE IS MY ANGEL? Okay, this is a phase. I'll take it. I don't think I go through phases. I'm pretty status quo. But Angel gets this stuff in his head and WATCH OUT! The man is a mad duster!!
So he fully cleaned the den yesterday as well as did the grocery shopping. I came home, supper was ready, the house didn't smell like food because he'd aired out the house, JUST FOR ME so I didn't get sick. PRAISE THIS WONDERFUL MAN! Well after supper, I went to my car and one of my good friends gave me some baby stuff at work. This is like $300 of freebies. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. BIG HELP! I was proud and brought the loot inside to show Angel. I said, I'll take this and put it up, I just wanted you to see it. As I was Oooing and AAaahing over the stuff, I saw him getting red faced, which isn't hard because he's so fair skinned. Finally I said, WHAT IS UP? He said "I worked all day, cooking, cleaning, etc and now you bring all this stuff in and put it on the carpet and its going to stay here forever." Okay, the man is tired, he is just delirious. He doesn't mean that. Then I pop off, "well I'll take it upstairs". He seemed to calm down but I had to think to myself, how many times have I spent the entire weekend cleaning only to have him come home, plop his hospital infected crap (he's a nurse) in my nice clean house and leave it for decades? So preggo Hollie calmly said, Does that make you feel better, in the sweetest sugary southern belle voice you ever heard. THE MAN WAS PUTTY IN MY HAND!! Yep, I got THIS! All in all, its funny. I wasn't amused last night at all, but this morning, he said before he left that we got some really great loot! That is his way of apologizing. Good enough.
So there is this huge learning curve. My approach, totally unlike my normal RESEARCH EVERYTHING mode, has been to take it as it comes, decide, and go with the flow. I have figured out that Angel is in PREPARATION mode. He has GOT to get this stuff done in order to feel like he's on top of things. So I'll help when I can, but this is truly something he's got to do. Sort of like my mad GGoo gling for the past 5 years of IF. He just has to go through it. I accept that. I've got to keep that sugary sweet southern belle thing in my hip pocket for use only when necessary.

BTW- did ya'll know I cannot find a pair of maternity pants with pockets?? What is a lab techie that totally depends on the stuff thats in her pockets ALL DAY going to do? I'm NOT seeing one of those fannie packs on my horizon, NOT AT ALL!


Soapchick said...

That sucks on the no sex thing - we will also be in that boat if I get pregnant on my donor cycle. Wow your Angel is being a real Angel - I hope he keeps it up.
Know any seamstresses? They can sew in some pockets for you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry about the no sex! That totally sucks- but is worth it, if it means peace of mind for you!
I am so glad you are a few weeks ahead of me so I can see your "symptoms" and what you are feeling! Right now, I am just very tired and have constant tummy upset, like heartburn on an empty stomach all the time- that's what it feels like! But no nausea/vomiting. I don't know if it's too soon?? I'm 5 wks today!
Thursday is the 3rd beta- please say a prayer for us!!

Angel sounds like he is really helping you out- but, as I am well aware- women are the stronger sex- that is why we have the babies and have to do so much more than them! I don't think they'd make it as a woman! :)

Chelle said...

LMAO! "I feel about as useless as lumps on a pickle"

ME TOO!!! But aren't we lucky to have our men that care about us?

Man oh man-a year??!! It'll be worth it, obviously, but MAN OH MAN!