Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Grace

Grace is something I am just starting to really understand. It is like a super blessing, thats how I explain it.
I went to the OB today. Saw Sticky again, I think s/he grew about twice as much in a week's time. S/he was so sweet and cute. Its been really rainy, so everyone has pretty much been sleepy and sluggish all week. Well Sticky has too. S/he was all curled up, face forward with his/her hands curled up under his/her chin. This is becoming so real now. For the first time, I really pictured this child in my home curled up asleep. Only a little while before this dream is a reality. OB said that I'll keep coming once a week for awhile, then we'll go to 2 week intervals, then 3, then back to 2... "like a dance" she said. I'll take it. More monitoring, the better for me. Also, I go to the super big hospital and have an NT test on Tuesday. Another glimpse at our lovie. I'm so excited.
I've also been torn about telling my mother. Without going into too much detail, my mother is a sick person. She desperately needs some psychiatric attention, and refuses to get it. She is really sad. But because of the abuse that I suffered as a child and young adult, I've had to separate my life from hers. I wish her nothing but the best, however, I can't subject myself or my family to her chaos. So here is the question, I've been asking myself since day one. WHEN and HOW do I tell her I'm having a child? Can anyone imagine being 12 weeks preggo and NOT telling your Mom? Well this is such a strained relationship, I haven't seen her in almost 7 years. Haven't spoken to her in about 5.
SO for Sticky's safety and ours, we will never allow my mother to be alone with our child, under any circumstances. She is too unpredictable. Angel was the one that first set this rule, and I agreed, whole heartedly to it. But there is some part of me that when big things come up in my life, I still feel the need to honor her by telling her these things. Like when I got married. I felt God lead me to her home and just tell her. Right now, my strongest leaning is toward a birth announcement in October. That might sound harsh to some, but if everyone knew the stories, the letter would sound justified.
So this is something I'm just on the fence about. The answer will come, by God's grace it willl come. Just something weighing on my mind.

1 comment:

sharonvw said...

Hollie, I'm very sad to read about the strained relationship with your Mom. However, I do understand your urge to tell her everytime something big happens in your life, I guess she remains the woman who gave you life after all and that your instinct would always be to turn to her. I'm very sad that you can't share this special time with her and can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. But I do understand you have your reasons.
Enjoy your Sticky! I hope to join you soon.
xx