One Giant ZIT!

okay, maybe NOT the best title to an entry, but I just feel like one giant zit, so there ya go.

To tell you how totally ON this I am, I forgot to take my first dose of progesterone Sunday. It was one Crinone and 1 pill. Then I forgot to take my lunch time pill. At 4pm, I had this sneaky suspicion that I had forgotten something I had to do Sunday. YEAH, YA THINK!!?!? So I took a pill and did a crinone before bed. All I could really do. I can feel the side effects of progesterone already, so I'm not worried. How could I have forgotten to START MY PROGESTERONE?!

So I guess it goes back to my mood for this cycle. We did our last IVF in October. We planned that we would do the FET in January (NOW). Well to tell you the truth, January just crept up on me. I haven't had to do much, one trip to the dr and a couple phone calls. Nothing like what I'm used to with full monitoring. So I can honestly say that it hasn't been first and foremost on my plate these days. I'm busy with work, exercising, life in general. Which I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad, but it just is what it is. I had a good friend call me last night and ask how I was feeling since Friday was "the big day". It took me forever to find some words to say how I thought I felt, but in reality, I'm not sure I really feel anything. I think the word that best describes my mood is NUMB.

I'm numb from the poking and prodding, doesn't phase me anymore. I'm numb from needle sticks, the newbie nurse was very apologetic that she didn't get my good vein on the first shot and I didn't care one iota. I also didn't care when it was like a three ring circus when my nether regions were up in the air at my last appointment. The nurses were afraid that I would miss the lab cutoff time, so they came and got the cultures and samples as soon as they could. Pretty much parading past my who who to get them. Eh, who cares. Maybe I'm just worn down. Maybe this whole process has worn me out. Next word is COMPLAISANCY.

Its a good place to be, for me. I remember when the best things in my life happened to me when I was finally just complaisant about my dreams. I wanted desperately to be married. I was tired of being the odd ball at parties. It wasn't until I got comfortable being the odd ball that God sent me Angel. I never thought the love of my life would arrive as he did, and we would have a whirlwind 2 week courtship before we decided to get married. Actually, we just got along so well that we didn't ever DECIDE to get married, we just gravitated that way. Then he proposed 6 weeks after we met. I didn't feel rushed at all. It felt right, it felt good, I wasn't worried, God lead me down this path and I trusted that He would continue to carry me. Maybe thats where I am with this IF stuff. Next word is ZIT.

So now, I'm ready to talk about my ZITS! They are everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! My face looks like a giant bumpy pizza! I don't know exactly when they started coming, but they are here. I know my progesterone is climbing because I was in the middle of watching my FAVORITE SHOW and dozed off. P4 always makes me sleepy. And for the icing on the cake, I woke up at 3am with the worst headache I've ever experienced. I was dreaming that someone was pounding on my head. Little did I know that my head was being pounded on from the inside out!! This headache was/is behind my eyes. It makes it difficult to see or focus on things. I'm not a headache expert, but this one is a doozy. I finally got up and took some tylenol at 4am, and did some deep breathing exercises until it subsided. I fell asleep moments before my alarm was to go off. NICE!! So I don't know if this headache is from the progesterone or estrogen. I dont recall having this problem before, but I don't have the best memory when it comes to all this.

To wrap this up, and I want to end on a good note. I have been going to these exercise classes at work 4 days a week. I went yesterday to Cardio Blast and had a BLAST even though I was jogging, etc. I am so allergic to exercise its not funny. But this is good for me and I can feel it. Our instructor isn't one of those cheery, bimbo types so thats good, for me at least. But I hopped up on the scale today and was down 3 pounds. WOO WOOOOOO!! Even with Estrace and Progesterone on board. Not looking for any kudos, I'm actually very pleased with MYSELF and proud that I can keep a handle on this better than I ever expected to.

So, toodelooo for now. Hope to write more after the transfer. Beta is Feb 9, so I'm going to try to stay away from pee sticks and tell myself that I don't need them. I've stayed away from them this long, and I think that it brought me some peace. So I'm going to try it. If I fail, you will see me on Feb 7 at the $ store raiding the hpt section!

Love and Blessings to all!