Okay, I'm getting better, slowly. I'm starting to look at things as good again. I had to go to the clinic today. They made me. Here's how the conversation went...
Amanda: (meek and mild) This is Amanda from Dr *&(^&^$ office. They told me to call you and tell you that you HAVE to come in for your beta tomorrow.
Amanda: Ummm welll ummm welll..... I don't know why.
Hollie: Well find out.
Amanda: Well, ummm I don't have anyone around to ask.
Hollie: (in my brain- FIND SOMEONE) Okay, whatever.
I'm a big ole beyatch! I just didn't want to go in there. I didn't want to have to face them. I didn't want to have to say, okay, I've been bleeding for DAYS now with no relief in sight. There is NO WAY I'm preggo. But I put on my gold shoes and pranced my happy butt in there this morning. They gave me a big ole scoop of hope, NOT what I needed. But they are sweet. Amanda is sweet, and got informed this morning that she is new. So look at me, big ole meanie veteran beating up on the fresh meat.
So now, I'm scared that they might call me and I might have a beta of like 8. That would mean I was preggo for like 10 minutes, right? I think that might just be awful.
No tears today though, I'm happy of that. Trying to stay strong and keep doing what I can do. I CAN work. I can breathe. I can laugh, although hard. So breathing, laughing, working, and doing it all over again.