Well being here in this place isn't so bad. Of course, I would be resting so much easier had the numbers been higher. But to be "the P word" for almost 48 hours was blissful. The sight of Angel's eyes dancing was worth the 5 years battling this issue.
I have looked so forward to the look in his eyes, ever since this started. It is unimaginable. I get great joy from seeing Angel happy. His happiness is definitely more exciting and wonderful than my own.
So in some of this, I might sound like I'm giving up now. Not really. Also, it might sound like I'm picking out nursery furniture, not so much. I'm definitely on the fence right now. Can go either way. I'm thankful to have gotten this far. This is a place I never thought I would be. It has brought me renewed hope.
So a little bit of the "G" man ahead, stop reading if you want. I felt in my gut that while we were doing THIS cycle, God was with us. I knew that when we went in to the office for various things, God was there and WE were supposed to be there. He blessed us by revealing his plan for us. So I feel that even if this doesn't work out, I am affirmed that this was part of OUR journey. My gut, and my God weren't wrong.
What went terribly wrong is when I started bleeding and I just totally discounted the power of God in our lives. YES we are important enough for God to intervene in our lives. Even with all the bleeding, the numbers are still going up. WHO KNOWS?
I think the difference this time, and the peace I've felt this go around, has been when I've trusted that God will PROVIDE and He will carry us through this. Although anxious to hear the next set of numbers, I'm going to enjoy these days as they come. Each and every day is a treasure. I can't lose sight of that.
Also, I'm not afraid to hear if someone has some insight, good or bad, into my numbers. Any feedback is welcome.