One Giant ZIT!

okay, maybe NOT the best title to an entry, but I just feel like one giant zit, so there ya go.

To tell you how totally ON this I am, I forgot to take my first dose of progesterone Sunday. It was one Crinone and 1 pill. Then I forgot to take my lunch time pill. At 4pm, I had this sneaky suspicion that I had forgotten something I had to do Sunday. YEAH, YA THINK!!?!? So I took a pill and did a crinone before bed. All I could really do. I can feel the side effects of progesterone already, so I'm not worried. How could I have forgotten to START MY PROGESTERONE?!

So I guess it goes back to my mood for this cycle. We did our last IVF in October. We planned that we would do the FET in January (NOW). Well to tell you the truth, January just crept up on me. I haven't had to do much, one trip to the dr and a couple phone calls. Nothing like what I'm used to with full monitoring. So I can honestly say that it hasn't been first and foremost on my plate these days. I'm busy with work, exercising, life in general. Which I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad, but it just is what it is. I had a good friend call me last night and ask how I was feeling since Friday was "the big day". It took me forever to find some words to say how I thought I felt, but in reality, I'm not sure I really feel anything. I think the word that best describes my mood is NUMB.

I'm numb from the poking and prodding, doesn't phase me anymore. I'm numb from needle sticks, the newbie nurse was very apologetic that she didn't get my good vein on the first shot and I didn't care one iota. I also didn't care when it was like a three ring circus when my nether regions were up in the air at my last appointment. The nurses were afraid that I would miss the lab cutoff time, so they came and got the cultures and samples as soon as they could. Pretty much parading past my who who to get them. Eh, who cares. Maybe I'm just worn down. Maybe this whole process has worn me out. Next word is COMPLAISANCY.

Its a good place to be, for me. I remember when the best things in my life happened to me when I was finally just complaisant about my dreams. I wanted desperately to be married. I was tired of being the odd ball at parties. It wasn't until I got comfortable being the odd ball that God sent me Angel. I never thought the love of my life would arrive as he did, and we would have a whirlwind 2 week courtship before we decided to get married. Actually, we just got along so well that we didn't ever DECIDE to get married, we just gravitated that way. Then he proposed 6 weeks after we met. I didn't feel rushed at all. It felt right, it felt good, I wasn't worried, God lead me down this path and I trusted that He would continue to carry me. Maybe thats where I am with this IF stuff. Next word is ZIT.

So now, I'm ready to talk about my ZITS! They are everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! My face looks like a giant bumpy pizza! I don't know exactly when they started coming, but they are here. I know my progesterone is climbing because I was in the middle of watching my FAVORITE SHOW and dozed off. P4 always makes me sleepy. And for the icing on the cake, I woke up at 3am with the worst headache I've ever experienced. I was dreaming that someone was pounding on my head. Little did I know that my head was being pounded on from the inside out!! This headache was/is behind my eyes. It makes it difficult to see or focus on things. I'm not a headache expert, but this one is a doozy. I finally got up and took some tylenol at 4am, and did some deep breathing exercises until it subsided. I fell asleep moments before my alarm was to go off. NICE!! So I don't know if this headache is from the progesterone or estrogen. I dont recall having this problem before, but I don't have the best memory when it comes to all this.

To wrap this up, and I want to end on a good note. I have been going to these exercise classes at work 4 days a week. I went yesterday to Cardio Blast and had a BLAST even though I was jogging, etc. I am so allergic to exercise its not funny. But this is good for me and I can feel it. Our instructor isn't one of those cheery, bimbo types so thats good, for me at least. But I hopped up on the scale today and was down 3 pounds. WOO WOOOOOO!! Even with Estrace and Progesterone on board. Not looking for any kudos, I'm actually very pleased with MYSELF and proud that I can keep a handle on this better than I ever expected to.

So, toodelooo for now. Hope to write more after the transfer. Beta is Feb 9, so I'm going to try to stay away from pee sticks and tell myself that I don't need them. I've stayed away from them this long, and I think that it brought me some peace. So I'm going to try it. If I fail, you will see me on Feb 7 at the $ store raiding the hpt section!

Love and Blessings to all!

Gyn Extravaganza!

Whoa, what a day.

To begin this saga, I didn't sleep last night. I got enthralled in a new book , couldn't put it down. Finally did, but it had my mind GOING AND GOING! I couldn't shake it. I watched the clock. I tossed I turned. Then I heard the dreaded alarm. SMACK! 5 more minutes SMACK! Then the lovely Da_rth VAD*ER sounds of Angel's CPAP machine clicking off. Ahhh, the start of another day.

I got up, got dressed, all spiffied up. Fed the dogs, got all my junk in the frosty car, and zoomed down the road a little over an hour for fasting blood work. After they drew it, I went and got some breakfast. Came back to the clinic in time for my appointment. Put on the most lovely paper gown that was OH SO FLATTERING and hopped up in my usual spot, in my usual exam room, with my usual ultrasound wand staring at me.

I was prodded and poked and thoroughly mushed and squished. I had 5 cultures and a pap smear. Don't ask me what all the cultures were for, but I had them nevertheless. Got to see my girlie parts. They are still there, hanging out, waiting to be somewhat useful. The Nurse Practitioner said I had a "beautiful 3 level endometrium at 0.9cm" and "didn't see how I could be held back at this point".

So we are all a "go" on Friday Jan 30 for our FET. We have a 6 pack in the freezer, so I'm hoping at least one makes it. We had 2 out of 4 that made it last time. I feel pretty good. I feel blessed no matter how this turns out. Each time I do some of this stuff, it gets easier and I'm more calm. I was a little surprised that this go around, I only have to go 1 time for an endometrium check, 1 time for the transfer, and 1 time for the beta hcg. I do miss my girls at the small clinic. They always ask about Angel and I, and they tend to remember my history better than the big clinic that only has written records to go by. They remember seeing me when I was so sick before I went into the hospital with OHSS. They've laughed and cried and hugged when I needed it. They are some caring women, and it makes a dull task more fun to see people that you enjoy being around.

I should get the phone call this afternoon about the blood work. I'm not too anxious because I've never had a problem with it before. Hopefully, this will all go very smoothly. My peace about this is helping immensely. We will see how it goes as we get closer to time. Also, I'm still thinking that Feb 9 is a LONG TIME to wait after the transfer of 6 day old blasts for a beta. I haven't done any pee sticks in a LONG TIME, but I don't know how I can hold out that long. I'm thinking for sure something should show up by Feb 7, which is a Saturday. I'm back and forth about this. But I have some time to ponder.

Love and Prayers to all!

FET #2

Its shaping up. Here's how it should go...

Jan 22- Bloodwork, Ultrasound, and yearly exam Extravaganza!

If all looks good, begin Progesterone (Crinone twice daily and capsules 3 times daily) on Feb 24 or 25.

If I have 2 embryos that thaw out and do well, We expect to have our transfer of 6 day old blastocysts on Jan 29 or 30.

Have to wait until Feb 9 for the beta. Hmmmm, I've tried to stay away from pee sticks... can she do it this time folks?!

I'm just really calm about all this. I don't know why. Maybe I haven't gotten close enough to actually DOING something. I'm taking estrace twice a day now, but thats no big deal. It will probably sink in when I get back in those stirrups and see that lovely ultrasound screen again. I missed my girlie parts. So nice to see them on a screen. HELLOOOoooo in there, its PICTURE TIME!!

So happy!

Go here and CELEBRATE!!

Happy Happy Joy JOY! YOU GO GIRL!

Dude, where's MY word?

I found THIS and thought, what the hell! So here is MY word.....

Your Word is "Peace"

You see life as precious, and you wish everyone was safe, happy, and taken care of. Social justice, human rights, and peace for all nations are all important to you. While you can't stop war, you try to be as calm and compassionate as possible in your everyday life. You promote harmony and cooperation. You're always willing to meet someone a little more than halfway.

Hmmmm, now, talk amongst yaselves! AND go try it!