Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Face Plant

Awesome title to this post don'tcha think? Well, it describes a lot of what has been happening lately. Now, I find myself firmly planted face down and well, I'll dust myself off, but not quite yet.
First, Baby Man really did have a face plant at school. He fell off some life sized blocks and had his first real, icky-looking, on his face, injury. I freaked. He didn't though. I'm not sure if he was too tough or just didn't feel comfortable letting his feelings go in the daycare setting. But they said that he didn't cry. They still hugged on him, and fussed over him. I did not take a picture of the injury, its one of those things I find it better not to remember. But he had a nice strawberry on his forehead and scrape on his nose and scratch on his cheek. I'm sure this is the first of many, but for me, it showed me that our Baby Man is a living, breathing, fragile creature. His health and well being can change in the blink of an eye. Scary, Ummm YEAH!

Another revelation in the marriage realm. I'm glad we live out in the country, because our "discussions" have become a bit heated and LOUD lately. One such discussion a few nights ago ended up festering and I'll hand it to hubs, HE figured out what the problem truly was. Being vague? Yeah, I'm getting there. I'll boil it down for ya. I said, "when have I ever not totally, 100% supported any dream that you had?" (insert LONG pause)  He said, "I figured it out! Things for us went south because I didn't completely follow your dream." (more long pauses, some sniffling, and crying ensued on my part) So, we finally got somewhere. Yep, he didn't follow my dream. It really was both our dreams to have a child. I was just more willing to sacrifice myself, my health and our marriage to attain "our" dream. He was there, but not with his whole heart. He pretty much bailed after I was in the hospital with OHSS in year 3 of IF. I was barely breathing, gained 40 pounds in a matter of a few days, wasn't urinating, and, he was scared. I knew it, and I continued  trying to get our baby. He's bitter, I'm bitter. Now, we keep working.
I am not a goal oriented person. I thought that I wanted a career. Nope, but it took me a long time to figure that one out. I thought that I wanted scholastic achievement. No, it took a long time and a lot of money to figure that out as well. I had what I wanted when I married the man of my dreams. (insert sound of screaming car brakes)
The man of my dreams was tall and dark. The man I married is taller than I am, has reddish blonde hair. He even sports a tattoo, which is scandalous in some of the circles I used to travel. When we married he had an earring, but he's taken it out.  So, my dreams changed, and so did my idea of the IDEAL man. My ideal man turned into someone that I admired, someone that when I looked at him, I knew I was seeing the grace of G_d. Someone I knew would always love me, found me utterly attractive (I'm learning to not ask why), and had the greatest of integrity. He is the one for me, and I know it within the depths of my soul. I'm learning that going forth with IF treatments without hubs' full involvement was a huge mistake on my part.
Thanks to THIS POST, wisdom from a completely unlikely source, I have realized that dreams change, people change. I'm grateful for the change, and I'm going to be working on trying to "fix" my mistake. Even if it takes the rest of my days, it will be worth it.


~Jess said...

Great post! Funny how our "dreams" can change.

Chelle said...

Reading this, I can totally connect. Very similar situation over here and we have a hard time wading through all the feeling.

I hope things are going well for you.

drlloyd11 said...
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