Beta hCG from 128 to 147
Progesterone from 1.5 to 12.1
Estrogen from 91 to 164
Go back Monday for another blood test.
Can anyone give me some input on these numbers? I know the progesterone is low. But I'm doing Crinone, so you can't always accurately measure it with blood serum tests. In 48 hours, shouldn't the beta have gone up more?
Guess I won't stop worrying until he/she graduates college.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
They DIDN"T CALL
They didn't call me today. So for the first time in MY LIFE, I have a positive beta. OF course, one beta doesn't tell you much. The key is a comparison of TWO betas. SO I marched my happy butt an hour away this morning before DAYLIGHT to have blood drawn and they didn't even call me to tell me the results. I won't be able to get some much needed sleep thinking about this. All I told myself all day long was, If you make it til 5pm, you will know SOMETHING and be at ease. Yet again, my gut has been wrong. I am so disappointed.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Ok, there might be more
Picture this. I go to get lunch. I decided to have a nice picnic outside, enjoy some of this wonderful fall weather. I set up my sandwich, all comfy.... the phone rings. Its THE RE's OFFICE! What are they doing calling at 1:00pm? Something must be wrong. I let it ring 3 times, I don't know if I want to pick it up. I did.
Short story LONG.... my beta is 128! OMG! Is that good? I'm 9 dp5dt. I'm pretty knowledgeable about things IF, but I've never made it this far before. HELP!
I've been bleeding since Saturday. Spotted on Friday. Evidently this is not the norm, but not too uncommon. SO I go back on Thursday to see if it goes up. I'm not saying the "p" word.... might entertain the idea after Thursday.
Maybe one of the embies can hang on through all that bleeding.??? Anyone have any ideas? They said there could be a lot of reasons why I've been bleeding. I haven't done too much looking on the internet. Haven't had time. They increased my progesterone. Only thing we can do is wait and see. I guess it could be some sort of hemorrhage? Eh, I'm not speculating yet. Just enjoying this feeling.
Biggest question I've got right now is, "Why did you ever doubt that God could do this?" I did. And biggest lesson learned from this? Don't listen to your gut, HOLLIE!! Do all your meds like you are supposed to and JUST DO IT!
I thought about donating a poster to the IVF section of the RE office. I could be the face of the campaign for FOLLOWING THE DRS ORDERS!!
Short story LONG.... my beta is 128! OMG! Is that good? I'm 9 dp5dt. I'm pretty knowledgeable about things IF, but I've never made it this far before. HELP!
I've been bleeding since Saturday. Spotted on Friday. Evidently this is not the norm, but not too uncommon. SO I go back on Thursday to see if it goes up. I'm not saying the "p" word.... might entertain the idea after Thursday.
Maybe one of the embies can hang on through all that bleeding.??? Anyone have any ideas? They said there could be a lot of reasons why I've been bleeding. I haven't done too much looking on the internet. Haven't had time. They increased my progesterone. Only thing we can do is wait and see. I guess it could be some sort of hemorrhage? Eh, I'm not speculating yet. Just enjoying this feeling.
Biggest question I've got right now is, "Why did you ever doubt that God could do this?" I did. And biggest lesson learned from this? Don't listen to your gut, HOLLIE!! Do all your meds like you are supposed to and JUST DO IT!
I thought about donating a poster to the IVF section of the RE office. I could be the face of the campaign for FOLLOWING THE DRS ORDERS!!
Good things
Okay, I'm getting better, slowly. I'm starting to look at things as good again. I had to go to the clinic today. They made me. Here's how the conversation went...
Hollie: Hello?
Amanda: (meek and mild) This is Amanda from Dr *&(^&^$ office. They told me to call you and tell you that you HAVE to come in for your beta tomorrow.
Hollie: Why?
Amanda: Ummm welll ummm welll..... I don't know why.
Hollie: Well find out.
Amanda: Well, ummm I don't have anyone around to ask.
Hollie: (in my brain- FIND SOMEONE) Okay, whatever.
I'm a big ole beyatch! I just didn't want to go in there. I didn't want to have to face them. I didn't want to have to say, okay, I've been bleeding for DAYS now with no relief in sight. There is NO WAY I'm preggo. But I put on my gold shoes and pranced my happy butt in there this morning. They gave me a big ole scoop of hope, NOT what I needed. But they are sweet. Amanda is sweet, and got informed this morning that she is new. So look at me, big ole meanie veteran beating up on the fresh meat.
So now, I'm scared that they might call me and I might have a beta of like 8. That would mean I was preggo for like 10 minutes, right? I think that might just be awful.
No tears today though, I'm happy of that. Trying to stay strong and keep doing what I can do. I CAN work. I can breathe. I can laugh, although hard. So breathing, laughing, working, and doing it all over again.
Hollie: Hello?
Amanda: (meek and mild) This is Amanda from Dr *&(^&^$ office. They told me to call you and tell you that you HAVE to come in for your beta tomorrow.
Hollie: Why?
Amanda: Ummm welll ummm welll..... I don't know why.
Hollie: Well find out.
Amanda: Well, ummm I don't have anyone around to ask.
Hollie: (in my brain- FIND SOMEONE) Okay, whatever.
I'm a big ole beyatch! I just didn't want to go in there. I didn't want to have to face them. I didn't want to have to say, okay, I've been bleeding for DAYS now with no relief in sight. There is NO WAY I'm preggo. But I put on my gold shoes and pranced my happy butt in there this morning. They gave me a big ole scoop of hope, NOT what I needed. But they are sweet. Amanda is sweet, and got informed this morning that she is new. So look at me, big ole meanie veteran beating up on the fresh meat.
So now, I'm scared that they might call me and I might have a beta of like 8. That would mean I was preggo for like 10 minutes, right? I think that might just be awful.
No tears today though, I'm happy of that. Trying to stay strong and keep doing what I can do. I CAN work. I can breathe. I can laugh, although hard. So breathing, laughing, working, and doing it all over again.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Too good to be true
Friday morning, I woke up, I knew something wasn't right. Saturday morning, I woke up spotting. Called the nurse. She said it could be implantation bleeding. Nope, Sunday full force AF. No baby for us.
Angel and I had a huge horrible argument. I was being a big fat jerk. I guess I wanted someone to feel as badly as I do. I know THIS feeling will pass. Lord knows I've been through it enough. I'm in the mad stage now. Next is numb, which I believe is coming very soon.
One of the hardest things to shake this go around is what I have done to my family. I have put us through 5 years of this and too many thousands of dollars to mention. I think for the first time, I'm going to try to admit it to myself that we are chasing an unattainable dream. I'm dragging Angel and our marrige along with it. I guess at this point, I'm feeling guilt for all the pain I've put us through. Trying to be positive, trying to have faith, trying to hope that a dream can come true.
I have a followup with RE 10/22. Don't know if I'll make it or not. I have an appt for beta Tuesday. I know I won't go to that.
Right now, and I know I'm being crazy and irrational, and this feeling will pass, but I have to admit that our 6 embies in the freezer are almost a burden. They mean that we cant just GIVE UP! I can't just yell "IM DEFEATED", "IM DONE". Nope, I've got 6 little miracles waiting for their Mom to snap out of this mess. That means more money, more emotional investing, and with each failure, chipping away a piece of my heart.
I've got to go to work tomorrow and keep my chin up and do something that I can do, work. Put one foot in front of the other. Breathe in and out. Keep doing it over and over again as my dream keeps slipping further away.
By the way, today is my 6th Wedding Anniversary.
Angel and I had a huge horrible argument. I was being a big fat jerk. I guess I wanted someone to feel as badly as I do. I know THIS feeling will pass. Lord knows I've been through it enough. I'm in the mad stage now. Next is numb, which I believe is coming very soon.
One of the hardest things to shake this go around is what I have done to my family. I have put us through 5 years of this and too many thousands of dollars to mention. I think for the first time, I'm going to try to admit it to myself that we are chasing an unattainable dream. I'm dragging Angel and our marrige along with it. I guess at this point, I'm feeling guilt for all the pain I've put us through. Trying to be positive, trying to have faith, trying to hope that a dream can come true.
I have a followup with RE 10/22. Don't know if I'll make it or not. I have an appt for beta Tuesday. I know I won't go to that.
Right now, and I know I'm being crazy and irrational, and this feeling will pass, but I have to admit that our 6 embies in the freezer are almost a burden. They mean that we cant just GIVE UP! I can't just yell "IM DEFEATED", "IM DONE". Nope, I've got 6 little miracles waiting for their Mom to snap out of this mess. That means more money, more emotional investing, and with each failure, chipping away a piece of my heart.
I've got to go to work tomorrow and keep my chin up and do something that I can do, work. Put one foot in front of the other. Breathe in and out. Keep doing it over and over again as my dream keeps slipping further away.
By the way, today is my 6th Wedding Anniversary.
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