Had my u/s and bloodwork done yesterday. Estrogen is already above 1000 at 1040. They lowered my meds. I've got about 30 on my left ovary that are popping out with about half of them starting to grow. On my right, I have about 17 follies with about half of them growing. Largest ones are about 1.2cm-1.4cm, lining is good at 0.8cm. I go tomorrow to get checked again. We are looking at Wednesday 24th for possible ER. Still feeling good and trying to take this one day at a time. Definitely getting fatigued, but I've run several marathons at work this week. Getting sore around my belly.
Angel is being so supportive and sweet. I think I'll keep him! ;)
Ya'll have a great weekend. I'll be burning up the highway!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Freak OUT!!
Well they said I would either have a period or not, whatever was fine. So Mildred, as I like to call Auntee flo, arrived on Friday. Just in time for my wonderful weekend plans with Angel. When I went in on Wednesday, Nurse Practitioner (I'm going to have to come up with a really great name for her), said that if I did see Mildred, it wouldn't be that much because I had a thin endometrium. Ummmm well, lets just say, thats not so much the case.
Well I was at peace with this until I got a call this morning. I had left a message on the IVF hotline saying that I got Mildred on Friday and didn't know if they wanted to know, but thought I would call just in case. Janeane (we will call her Janeane after Janeane Garofalo because she is very DRY) the IVF nurse called. She said, okay tell me about it. Well I've not spoken this much in depth about a period, EVER! She said not to leave any details out. Mid way through the conversation, I got this sinking feeling like if I said the wrong thing, she would derail my cycle, call it a bust, and I just took my first STIM SHOT last night!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
She said, after I spilled every ounce of information I could about Mildred, that she would speak with the doc and get back with me. Possible that she would want me to take some extra estrogen or .... and I cut her off. I said I will wait to hear from you.
Just got the call. WHEW! What a relief! RE said that it is fine. We are early in stimming and that I have plenty of time to build up an endometrium, even if I bleed for another 3-4 days. I'm evidently going to stim at least 8-10 days.
So dodged a BULLET with that one! I just thought, how in the world could I be out of this cycle and only this far into it? BAFFLING!! Thank goodness all is still rolling on. I feel good about this cycle. I feel differently than I have in the past. I feel like I am more calm. Lets see how I feel in 10 days! ;) Maybe doesn't sound like it with this post, but I can actually think about other things this go around. I didn't tick tock away the evening last night waiting for my shot time to roll around. I don't feel as crappy yet either. I am on a different protocol. I am doing Lupron and Stims at the same time. Weird huh? Just trying to avoid the OHSS. I do believe that the weight loss has helped. And maybe even the push at work is helping to keep my mind off things too.
So where as I think things are horrible, 99 times out of 100 they end up being blessings. WHY do I freak out so fast? Even though I'm able to go about my daily routine better this time doesn't mean that I don't know how much this is costing us emotionally, financially, and physically. I talked to Angel briefly about the possibility that this could be negative. I asked him that on the day that we find out, if it is negative, please don't tell me we can't do it again. He reluctantly said yes to this go around. He is very worried about me and how bad I got with the OHSS. I gained so much weight and didn't urinate. He was afraid that my kidneys would shut down. That is the downfall of having an ICU Nurse as a husband. THEY SEE TOO MUCH JUNK! Everyone he'd ever seen in that situation didn't make it back. It is hard for him to see me hurting. I know he wants some resolution to this. Oh please God, Please let this be our time. Please God, keep my body safe and healthy and allow me to be the mother that you would have me to be.
Well I was at peace with this until I got a call this morning. I had left a message on the IVF hotline saying that I got Mildred on Friday and didn't know if they wanted to know, but thought I would call just in case. Janeane (we will call her Janeane after Janeane Garofalo because she is very DRY) the IVF nurse called. She said, okay tell me about it. Well I've not spoken this much in depth about a period, EVER! She said not to leave any details out. Mid way through the conversation, I got this sinking feeling like if I said the wrong thing, she would derail my cycle, call it a bust, and I just took my first STIM SHOT last night!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
She said, after I spilled every ounce of information I could about Mildred, that she would speak with the doc and get back with me. Possible that she would want me to take some extra estrogen or .... and I cut her off. I said I will wait to hear from you.
Just got the call. WHEW! What a relief! RE said that it is fine. We are early in stimming and that I have plenty of time to build up an endometrium, even if I bleed for another 3-4 days. I'm evidently going to stim at least 8-10 days.
So dodged a BULLET with that one! I just thought, how in the world could I be out of this cycle and only this far into it? BAFFLING!! Thank goodness all is still rolling on. I feel good about this cycle. I feel differently than I have in the past. I feel like I am more calm. Lets see how I feel in 10 days! ;) Maybe doesn't sound like it with this post, but I can actually think about other things this go around. I didn't tick tock away the evening last night waiting for my shot time to roll around. I don't feel as crappy yet either. I am on a different protocol. I am doing Lupron and Stims at the same time. Weird huh? Just trying to avoid the OHSS. I do believe that the weight loss has helped. And maybe even the push at work is helping to keep my mind off things too.
So where as I think things are horrible, 99 times out of 100 they end up being blessings. WHY do I freak out so fast? Even though I'm able to go about my daily routine better this time doesn't mean that I don't know how much this is costing us emotionally, financially, and physically. I talked to Angel briefly about the possibility that this could be negative. I asked him that on the day that we find out, if it is negative, please don't tell me we can't do it again. He reluctantly said yes to this go around. He is very worried about me and how bad I got with the OHSS. I gained so much weight and didn't urinate. He was afraid that my kidneys would shut down. That is the downfall of having an ICU Nurse as a husband. THEY SEE TOO MUCH JUNK! Everyone he'd ever seen in that situation didn't make it back. It is hard for him to see me hurting. I know he wants some resolution to this. Oh please God, Please let this be our time. Please God, keep my body safe and healthy and allow me to be the mother that you would have me to be.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
My America
I have had a weird feeling all day. One of somber remembrance of the world as it was 7 years ago. This post really got me thinking.
This morning, I was getting ready for work. It was an unusually good hair and make up day. I had a good cup of coffee, good breakfast, slurps and wiggles from the dogs and off I went. I heard on the radio that they were going to have a moment of silence at the same time that the first plane hit the first tower. By that time, my mind had gone back in time. I found myself remembering where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, and my heart broke all over again. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I pulled off the interstate. My beautiful make up job was in the toilet, or actually in an emergency fast food napkin that I had between the seats.
I'm sure everyone remembers where they were and how they found out about the attacks. It is etched in our memories. For hours, while I was struggling to try to work and drown out the TV news reports, I refused to see it on the tv. I heard all about it. I heard others talking about it. But I didn't want to actually SEE it. Finally, I gave in. Late that afternoon, when there were few around, I watched. It was unreal. Like a sci fi movie.
I wont forget the first time I heard the national anthem after 9-11-01. I won't forget the first time I saw a flag flying at half mast the next day. I won't forget the stories of those close to family and friends that were effected by this tragedy. I won't forget the feeling of pride that I felt in our country when people of all races, shapes, and creeds bound together at churches or temples to worship and comfort each other. I've never seen it in person but on tv, when I see a plane take off from an aircraft carrier, I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside. THAT is my America. Land of the free, home of the BRAVE. People that can set aside all the differences and help their fellow man. People that come together for a common cause. People, seemingly playing a small part as their cog in the wheel, seeing that they are part of something bigger.
If anything came out of 9-11, I would hope it is camaraderie. I pray it continues and grows stronger. I pray that people can put their differences aside and see that we can live in harmony. This is a beautiful, wonderful place. But America is only as strong as the people that call themselves American.
When I drove past our little airport this morning, there was a small plane circling, getting ready to land. Pre- 9-11, I wouldn't have given it another thought. I found myself watching and waiting to see what was going to happen.
This morning, I was getting ready for work. It was an unusually good hair and make up day. I had a good cup of coffee, good breakfast, slurps and wiggles from the dogs and off I went. I heard on the radio that they were going to have a moment of silence at the same time that the first plane hit the first tower. By that time, my mind had gone back in time. I found myself remembering where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, and my heart broke all over again. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I pulled off the interstate. My beautiful make up job was in the toilet, or actually in an emergency fast food napkin that I had between the seats.
I'm sure everyone remembers where they were and how they found out about the attacks. It is etched in our memories. For hours, while I was struggling to try to work and drown out the TV news reports, I refused to see it on the tv. I heard all about it. I heard others talking about it. But I didn't want to actually SEE it. Finally, I gave in. Late that afternoon, when there were few around, I watched. It was unreal. Like a sci fi movie.
I wont forget the first time I heard the national anthem after 9-11-01. I won't forget the first time I saw a flag flying at half mast the next day. I won't forget the stories of those close to family and friends that were effected by this tragedy. I won't forget the feeling of pride that I felt in our country when people of all races, shapes, and creeds bound together at churches or temples to worship and comfort each other. I've never seen it in person but on tv, when I see a plane take off from an aircraft carrier, I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside. THAT is my America. Land of the free, home of the BRAVE. People that can set aside all the differences and help their fellow man. People that come together for a common cause. People, seemingly playing a small part as their cog in the wheel, seeing that they are part of something bigger.
If anything came out of 9-11, I would hope it is camaraderie. I pray it continues and grows stronger. I pray that people can put their differences aside and see that we can live in harmony. This is a beautiful, wonderful place. But America is only as strong as the people that call themselves American.
When I drove past our little airport this morning, there was a small plane circling, getting ready to land. Pre- 9-11, I wouldn't have given it another thought. I found myself watching and waiting to see what was going to happen.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Baby in a box
I got my meds yesterday. I had them sent to work since I was worried about them getting hot sitting outside at the house AND my lovely dog Daisy that has been on a chewing spree. Makes me shudder to think what might have happened. Well my student saw on the outside, "REFRIGERATE" so she opened the box and put the stuff in the refrigerator, just like she has been told to do. I get back from lunch and she was looking at me a bit funny. So I spilled the beans and said "I guess you figured out our little secret". She was sweet and played dumb, but who could avoid the giant letters INSERT VA.G. InALLY ONLY. Also all the scripts had my name on them. But I was very vague. She was sweet about it and left it alone. I was thankful for that.
I was on my way home with my box sitting on the seat next to me. I started thinking about all the possibilities these meds could represent. They could possibly make me so sick, I would have to go back to the hospital. (can ya'll tell I'm scared to death of this? 5 days of hospitilization with OHSS is NO FUN) Or best case scenario, they could provide the answers to our dreams of having a child of our own. I dreamed about my "baby in a box" the rest of the way home. I chose to think of a positive side, instead of a negative.
Today I had my supression check. All was well. Good ole polycystic ovaries with nothing else to really outstanding. Nothing to keep me from proceeding. I have to admit, it seemed more real today. I wrote the big check. I don't part with money well. But reconcilled it within myself before even leaving the parking lot.
Then I got to work. My boss knows of all of our struggles. She has been amazingly supportive. I've been asking and telling her all about this for months now saying this is the time we are going to do this in hopes that we can prepare things for when I will be gone. I got all sort of upset when she dropped several bombs on me about things that needed to be done, and NOW. I have been in a tizzy all day. I've just now calmed down after accomplishing a ton this afternoon and just decided not to get in a huff, I'll just take it day by day and do my best. I say that now, but wait until I'm all pumped up on stims!!
Just trying TRYING TRYING to keep positive and keep going. Thanks to all that comment. On yesterday's post, it might not have been clear. But I have tried to prepare things at the house (like a full pantry) so that if I don't feel like going to the grocery, I don't have to go. But just to clarify, mayonnaise is a very important staple in our household!
I was on my way home with my box sitting on the seat next to me. I started thinking about all the possibilities these meds could represent. They could possibly make me so sick, I would have to go back to the hospital. (can ya'll tell I'm scared to death of this? 5 days of hospitilization with OHSS is NO FUN) Or best case scenario, they could provide the answers to our dreams of having a child of our own. I dreamed about my "baby in a box" the rest of the way home. I chose to think of a positive side, instead of a negative.
Today I had my supression check. All was well. Good ole polycystic ovaries with nothing else to really outstanding. Nothing to keep me from proceeding. I have to admit, it seemed more real today. I wrote the big check. I don't part with money well. But reconcilled it within myself before even leaving the parking lot.
Then I got to work. My boss knows of all of our struggles. She has been amazingly supportive. I've been asking and telling her all about this for months now saying this is the time we are going to do this in hopes that we can prepare things for when I will be gone. I got all sort of upset when she dropped several bombs on me about things that needed to be done, and NOW. I have been in a tizzy all day. I've just now calmed down after accomplishing a ton this afternoon and just decided not to get in a huff, I'll just take it day by day and do my best. I say that now, but wait until I'm all pumped up on stims!!
Just trying TRYING TRYING to keep positive and keep going. Thanks to all that comment. On yesterday's post, it might not have been clear. But I have tried to prepare things at the house (like a full pantry) so that if I don't feel like going to the grocery, I don't have to go. But just to clarify, mayonnaise is a very important staple in our household!
Monday, September 8, 2008
JUMPING OFF POINT
Here I sit at the jumping off point. Wednesday is my suppression check, the day I have to write the BIG CHECK, and the day I get my reality check. Yes, I am going to subject my body to all this poking and prodding. I am going in this knowing that I will get OHSS, just to what extent, we don't know. I have a freezer full of pre-cooked goodies so all I have to do is put them in the oven. I have a pantry full of green beans and we have enough ketchup and mayonnaise to open up a small grocery.
I told a good friend of mine that I'm excited, anxious, nervous, petrified, hopeful, and ready to claw someone's eyes out for smiling at me ALL at the same time. What really scares me is that all I've been doing is the noovah ring, so this is pretty much all me. I can't blame it on the hormones yet.
I put my retrieval date into a Du.e D*ate Ca..Lculator, cmon, you know you've done it. June. June is the month. June is a good month. UH OH... here comes the butterflies in my tummy again... AAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!
I've been thinking about asking my nurse to do some sort of something different if its negative. But then there is this thing about getting those phone calls, after the first word, always "Hollie", you know what she is going to say. So do I want to know with the first word, or do I want to be totally type A and ask her to do something different? Eh, I don't think its so much the word as the tone she uses. Do I want to go down this road right now when all this is just starting. I should be the most hopeful RIGHT NOW!
Angel is working so very hard these days. I'm ready for him to chill out. But as I'm learning, we deal with things our way, they deal with things their way. So providing for the family is his way of contributing. CONTRIBUTE AWAY MY PRINCE!
So my job is to chill out, grow some eggies, eat right, exercise. And I have to remember to call tomorrow and get a massage appointment. I'm doing massage therapy this time rather than acupuncture. Didn't get much out of the acupuncture other than an hour nap. I'd rather have a nice nap and feel like a noodle afterwards!
I told a good friend of mine that I'm excited, anxious, nervous, petrified, hopeful, and ready to claw someone's eyes out for smiling at me ALL at the same time. What really scares me is that all I've been doing is the noovah ring, so this is pretty much all me. I can't blame it on the hormones yet.
I put my retrieval date into a Du.e D*ate Ca..Lculator, cmon, you know you've done it. June. June is the month. June is a good month. UH OH... here comes the butterflies in my tummy again... AAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!
I've been thinking about asking my nurse to do some sort of something different if its negative. But then there is this thing about getting those phone calls, after the first word, always "Hollie", you know what she is going to say. So do I want to know with the first word, or do I want to be totally type A and ask her to do something different? Eh, I don't think its so much the word as the tone she uses. Do I want to go down this road right now when all this is just starting. I should be the most hopeful RIGHT NOW!
Angel is working so very hard these days. I'm ready for him to chill out. But as I'm learning, we deal with things our way, they deal with things their way. So providing for the family is his way of contributing. CONTRIBUTE AWAY MY PRINCE!
So my job is to chill out, grow some eggies, eat right, exercise. And I have to remember to call tomorrow and get a massage appointment. I'm doing massage therapy this time rather than acupuncture. Didn't get much out of the acupuncture other than an hour nap. I'd rather have a nice nap and feel like a noodle afterwards!
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